My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
