im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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