He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
