gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
