Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
