Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
