you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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