Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
tell me about the eggs
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
