chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
