I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I think I sprained my soul last night
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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