I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
