Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
