Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Dick very happy bro
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
