Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
