Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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