I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
