Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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