**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
