I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
