her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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