You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
