so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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