It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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