My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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