so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
