Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
