I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
