imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
