After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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