Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
