don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
