I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
