whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
not ubering you a puppy
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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