I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
