does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
