Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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