i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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