I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
