I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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