okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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