Just fell off a train. Bad.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
