I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
