She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
