NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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