you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
