I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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