how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
