i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
