You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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