im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
