apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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