remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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