And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
