I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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