Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
