He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
