i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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