I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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